Tales of Scotland – Nessie spotted!

Highly classified data on so called “Loch Ness Monster” sightings was transmitted to Blue Moon Station in late summer.

Although station’s A.I  remained skeptical ( “Are you sure you want to do this Dave?”)  the accuracy of the evidence material was so convincing that the situation required close investigation.

I have have packed my monster hunting  equipment, my camera, my diving suit and occasional Scottish kilt.

And I jumped into the rocket.

Blue Moon Station  was on a mission again.

I have landed on the Loch Ness shore on August 23rd, near the town of Inverness.

This area was had the highest number of “Nessie incidents” reported.

Surely it had nothing to do with two touristic “Nessie centers” located in it’s neighborhood.

I have picked up my Monster Motion Sensor and started scanning the perimeter.

The investigation has begun.

During days of intensive research I found the following:

Ruins of the castle. Romantic and picturesque. Very Scottish.

Lady of the Lake. Beautiful and charming. Very mysterious.

Bunch of tourists rolling on the grass, near ” Keep of the grass” sign. Very American.

Medieval toilet. Simple and stylish. Very medieval.

None of those, although very entertaining, didn’t lead me any closer to the monster itself.

The Monster Motion Sensor was dead silent, satellite scanning from the Blue Moon Stations showed no track of the anything larger than a group of old, fat tourists from Germany.

So I stared at the lake. And started. And started at it for hours…

Was my mission failed?

And then the enlightenment came.

Nessie is a monster, right?

What do they do in all those horror movies when they try to summon the Monster out of it’s pit?

They use this trick. It is called „human sacrifice”.

It works like that :

  • You pick a girl – preferably the most charming, innocent looking Beauty in the area.
  • You leave her on the altar/chain her up to the large monolith/throw her into the pit…or into the lake.
  • You wait for the Monster to come for it’s bait.

I smiled.

Maybe my quest was not that pointless after all?

Now where was that Lady of the Lake…?

And theeeeereeeee she went….

And after few moments, the Monster has arrived.

Huge, shiny and of course very monstrous. Ladies and Gentleman – Nessie:

Mission was accomplished.

The end

Tales of Scotland – The hunt for Loch Ness Monster vol. 1

Imagine a lake.

It’s a lake like this:

It stretches for miles, it’s deep and mysterious, surrounded by breathtaking landscape of hills and plains.

It’s a beautiful lake.

Now – how would you make it famous?

You could praise it’s beauty – and surely some people would come to see it.

You could even have some romantic ruins scattered around it. Like a medieval castle remains. This would help attract even more tourists.

But how would you make it a worldwide touristic  highlight? How could you drag people all over the globe to see it?

How would you make them write stories about it in all languages, how would you make it as well known as wonders of the world such as Pyramids of Giza, Rome’s Colloseum or Niagara Falls?

How would would you do it – when you’d have known that your like is nice…but not THAT special?

Well my friends – for this you would need a Monster.

Maybe not as ugly as that one.

Still, the Monster you need should be  big, fat and scary. Yet – it should be realistic and vivid enough that it could live in people’s imagination.

1 ,00o pound, ancient reptile and a marine predator –  plesiosaurus should do the job.

Now how would you find one – if all of those died like 65 milion years ago?

That’s also simple my friends – you would make it up.

You would find  a nice, catchy name for it- like Billy or Fluffy.

Or Nessie, if you’d have ran out of all other options.

Then you would start producing promotional gadgets on the industrial scale. Postcards, toys, t-shirts, calendars, cups, towels, toilet papers… etc. All of those covered with our Monster’s images.

And than you would spread the word.

That’s how the Loch Ness monster myth was created … or rather that’s what I thought before I visited the famous lake myself.

It was then when it occured to me that sometimes the most simple explanations have nothing to do with the ever-suprising reality.

Because of all explanations I had – none has foreseen that famous Nessie can be actually alive.

To be continued

City of Doors

Once I ve heard this story.

There was a City unlike any others. It was a place lying on the verge of realities, where unspeakable worlds and dominions would overlap, creating the most peculiar spot in all of the universes.

In this City, chaos would become organized, but not tamed. It’s streets would be crowded with entities, that would vary not only by their culture, race and religion but by the most basic perception of the reality around them.

This City would be like a flickering mosaic, where all it’s elements would seem random only at the first glance. But eventually a pattern called “Fate” would emerge from beyond.

In this city angels and demons alike would walk along the same streets.

A gruesome sorcerer who would experiment with forbidden magic and incinerate the whole district for which he would become punished by gods and turned into the ever-Burning Man lantern.

It would host the Sensates from the Society of Sensation who would embrace life as it is, striving in their constant quest to experience everything that world has to offer – pleasures and torment alike.

It would also host grim Brotherhood of Dustmen would anticipate and celebrate Death as a final release from the joke called “Life”.

It would be governed by terrifying and beautiful in it’s awesome way deity – the immortal Lady of Pain.

In this city a lonely, unnamed Warrior would wander across it’s crowded streets seeking the answers to his destiny.

This City would be called Sigil – or the City of Doors and it would only exist in an old computer game called Planescape: Torment.

This is what I thought, until one day I would find myself in Sigil again.

This time for real.

Mission in Bilbao

Although the view from Blue Moon station is probably the best one you can get, sometimes our crew ( that consists of   me and my dying plant on the windowsill) is forced to descend to the Planet surface for some field reconnaissance.

Those Terran escapades bring both rush of adrenaline and some variety to the monotonous routine…

Not that I wouldn’t enjoy my lunar landscape. But sometimes it’s just good to move your ass, if you know what I mean.

So the engines of my rusty Soyuz rocket roared and the planet fall has began.

Solar winds tossed me into the northern Spain.

To Bilbao.

Now the true purposes of my mission are highly classified.

So no photos from my secret meeting with high rank intergalactic council diplomats are available.

At least not this time, sorry.

But during my reconnaissance I managed to gather some other intelligence that can be shared.

Like those exclusive photos of the interstellar space cruiser. Local authorities would keep assuring me that it’s just a  “museum” but we all know it’s a spaceship, that crashed during Spanish civil war and they keep frozen aliens inside.

I have also encountered some lifeforms, which were not frozen. Like the giant dog below. Imagine it pissing on your wiper.

Unfortunately, at some point my mission has been interrupted by the invasion of big nasty spider from Zeta Reticuli. Those damn insects keep chasing me through whole Milky Way trying to eat my brain.

But luckily an Angel came down from high Heavens to save me. She came to the spider so close, she could whispered to it’s ear. Not sure what the magic words were, I ve just heard something like “…no brain”.

It worked though. The spider walked away and I could continue my mission… catching the exclusive images of celestial Being on my camera.

End of Log

Night of the museums

This was my third Night of the Museum in Berlin.  And I’d say – the best one, so far.

A rainy, almost hostile weather prevented most of the visitors to come.

Good for me!

When the corridors are empty and your only companion is your camera, and you alone, walk among the ancient artifacts, covered in a strange luminescence, it is only than when you discover, that  a step through museum’s threshold takes you to a journey to another world.

Below impressions from “Lange nach de Museen”: Markisches Museum, Kulturforum, Ethnographic Museum, Asian Museum, Humboldt Box and Berliner Dom.

Markisches Museum

Kulturforum – Potsdamer Platz

Museum of Etnography and Asian Art

Berliner Dom and Humboldt Box

End of Log

Stockholm Impressions 4 – Walk among the spirits

Stockholm was amazing.

But it weren’t the treasures of Swedish land that I will remember as most astonishing.

It was something else.

Something which seemed to be … not entirely from this world.

Bizarre ritual costumes from Papua New Guinea.

Weird Siberian sculptures carved in bones.

Native American’s dream catchers, Japanese Theatre Masks and many more…

All of this awaited for me in Stockholm’s ethnography museum.

Walking through this exhibition was like taking part in one of the Indiana Jones adventures.

Mix of art, ritualism and spirituality, strange figures gazing at me through the glass,which seemed as thin as thin is the border between the world we can see and the realm of the spirits.

Photos: me&brother,

Soundtrack: by Dead Can Dance – Click me!

Ritual Masks from South America

A figure holding a skeleton, made of various animal parts and carved human skull. This sculpture  represents “cannibal dancing society”  I can’t remember where exactly was it from, but I am sure it is a “no go” area…

Golden statue of Budda Amida from India.

Carved elephant’s tusk from Kongo.

And a shaman’s robe from the same region.

I know the quality is bad. But those Siberian figures were really small. And really weird.

Something from the far East –  Japanese samurai armor.

And a gallery of Japanese Theater Masks. Some show people, some show demons…

A Totem from North America. When it glows it means that the spirits of the Ancestors are present…

As mentioned in last part of Stockholm Impressions, I wanted to write about Voodoo.

Well, this was the last and the best part of the exhibition. However, I won’t keep my promise  – and I will write about Voodoo in a complete, separate log some other time.

For today to close the last chapter of Stokcholm Impressions  – let’s have a picture of ritual costumes from Papua New Guinea.

And a practicing shaman.

Stockholm Impressions 3 – Gnomes meet astronauts

From Royal Armory to space shuttle toilets , from quorter of the admiral of the Vasa ship  to troll&gnome shop, from kings apartments to Voodoo exhibition …  few more images from my journey to Scandinavian capital.

Let’s go for a walk!

Photos – me&brother

Soundtrack by Lunatic Soul – Click me!





Stockholm’s landscape: city scattered on several islands.

Becouse of it”s location, while visiting Stockholm having a short voayge by ship is like tasting a beer during Oktoberfest in Munich ( still on my To Do list by the way…). It’s a must.

And if we are talking about the ships, in Stockholm you can see the one which is probably most spectacular in Europe, or even in the world. The great, wooden warship – Vasa.

It gives me a sense of satisfaction, when I think that this huge warship – largest in it’s time, was built for one main purpose:  to defeat 17th century Poland.

See that 5 Meter long Vasa model in front?  It took 5 years to built it.

See that 60 meter long Vasa orignal in the back?  It took 2 years to built it.

And probably that’s why, Vasa sunk just after leaving the shipyard…

One last look into the Vasa – at the admirals quarters.

Rumor says, after his ship sunk…he got promoted.

 And these are  quarters of another Very Important Person. Royal Apartaments in Royal Palace.  One of the rooms of king of Sweden… Errr… what was his name?

This is the place where history is being made. Or to be more specific – celebrated.

The hall in the Royal Palace – where Nobel prize lunches are being held.

And something which can be found in the Palaces basement. One of the armors in Royal Armoury.

This one in particular belonged to Polish king – Sigmund Vasa the Third. How did finish up in Stockholm?

Well, for some time – Polish and Swedish kings where literally a family.

I guess that’s why so many wars occurred…

Big ceremony in front of the Royal Palace – we thought it was the Swedish king who would finally bother to officialy greet us in Stockholm. But it was just a change of guards…

And now something special:

A  gnome.

An astronaut.

And something we were all waiting for.

A  space shuttle toilet.

And what about the Voodoo?

This will come in the next and last part of Stockholm impressions…