Sad Man has forgotten who he is

After 12,5 hours at work, I thought that I cannot think…

But once  aproached movie like that,  something has awoken inside me, something   that was so long asleep:

Smutny Człowiek zapomniał kim jest

I watched, and I watched. And I have  decided that something needs to be done.

Such a Story demands a translation.

Mine, is bit clumsy .. . but still it might better than the one done by uncle Google…

“Sad man has forgotten who he is

I have already thought, that I knew,  I am a dust, I am flesh

chemical soup, collection of atoms, a mistake, a setback, natural selection

An impulse in brain, a circuit, an accident, I appear and vanish,

once I was not, once I will not be, such is the chaos tactic
with handful grip I draw from life, by being senses I suck what’s around
I steal, I kill, I cheat, play, drink, there is no hell

Don’t look at me like that, these are just selfish genes,  survival of the  fittest
pitiable fate of my victims is a component of their random existence

Am I a machine, without an operator, programmed by glass experts?

my fruit – ugly and bitter, I rush by an impulse seeking the purpose

I yearn, I desire, I want in instant and continuously, it itches me harder and longer dread  to think what comes later

in the matter of trap, seeking the fulfillment, like a fish with no water I try
still more, more and more I need, so little, little rejoice

I smile pretending that it is so fine, despite the fires around me
I believed that I’m smart and wise, a fool mourns to his mirror

The outcome – the reason like an atoms I split, under my pseudo scientific pretext
I was searching, i have been counting, got blind from the glasses,
cannot go more, without knowing who am I

Once there was a philosopher, who said, that there is no us, there is no you, there is no me, there is no no
It seems however a scam, because who would hear my singing

I can’t remember the secret, the eternal mystery, who pulls the strings?
I watch not see, I listen not hear, I am an actor, I do not remember the script

The sound drops inside, forces the neurons to move, to brain it rushes from ear
it’s curious, where does it go, whom am I the one who listens

How sad it is, that I that I strive forward not knowing where
how strange it is, that i wanted good but there is no no
how sad it is that still I do not know who am I no
Oh how strange it is that whom am I, I know not no”

Poem by Michał Napierzyński

End of Log

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Log 5 – You ain’t good enough

Let me tell you a story. A story about not being good enough.

Well… three stories actually.

Story number 1

A classic sci-fi movie “Gattaca”

Vincent has dream.

He wants to fly to the stars, to Titan  – one of Jupiter’s moons. In the world he lives that’s possible. But not for the ones like him. Vincent is in-Valid, his genome hasn’t been modified, his imperfection made him a pariah in a semi-divine society. With a 99% probability of developing heart disorder and vision defect his CV will designate him to be nothing more than a toilet cleaner. Vincent simply ain’t good enough for stars.

But he does not give a fuck.

He studies hard, and works even harder. He also makes a scam which allows him to slip through the recruitment process, based on DNA evaluation.

Soon enough he finds himself  a step before those he once admired.

He is determined, and he does not give up his dream, no matter the circumstances.

Eventually, he flies to the stars.

But that’s just a movie.

Story number 2

Polish boxer – Adamek is a  former junior heavyweight champion and former cruiser heavyweight champion.

He decides to go for the “kings” category – heavy weight. He trains hard, he pumps up his body, he rolls through several heavy weight stars, and eventually challenges the true champion.

The Big Bro –  has dominated the ring for years, he  is not only taller and heavier than the Polish challenger, but also more experienced. Experts do not leave Adamek any chance. Adamek simply – ain’t good enough for this fight.

But he does not give a fuck.

He stands up for the challenge, he takes his chance. Maybe – only such chance  in his lifetime. Opportunity not only to defeat the unbeatable Doctor K.O but also to be the first boxer in history to collect belts from three different weight categories.,

And so Adamek faces the champion.

And get’s his ass kicked.

Now that’s not a movie, that’s life.

Story number 3

I am in the middle of the training. Let’s call it a “ballet” training.

Our coach wants to teach us something new, – how to react in a specific situation. He calls me, and tells me to lie down on my back.

Than he calls the others and asks them to surround me. Than he tells them to start kicking me. Over and over again.

And he waits.

It took me several enormously long seconds to realise what I have to do. I scream and swear, and I give back the punches and kicks. And I get the fuck up.

It is than, when we hear from the coach:

“In real life, you will be outnumbered.

They will be stronger, they will be better fighters, there will be 2 of them, there will be a crowd of them, they will have knife, they will have rod. You will be tired, you will be sick, you will be surprised, you will be already knocked on the ground.

They will kick you in the groin, they will step on your face.

But you will get up. And you will keep fighting.

You will keep on fighting bitch.  And you will not give up.

This is true and only philosophy of our ballet classes”

Nice stories hmm?

Any lesson from those?

Let’s try:

We will always find, someone better, prettier, more clever, more handsome or stronger to compete with us. We will always find the obstacles on our way too challenging for our poor resources.

But if we believe in something we simply shouldn’t give a fuck.

And we should push forward, no matter what the final outcome would be.

Just like the kid below.

Soundtrack: Ill Nino.

End of Log 5