Faith
Back from Dubai. Autumn & Anathema
Just recently I came back from a very difficult business trip to Dubai. Only thing I enjoyed was the view from the office, as I spent in there 12 hours daily for a full week. My journey was truly epic.
I was fighting bugs, like ancient monsters, repelling requests from other departments like raids of rogue nomads, getting through the new version of the binary for the Appstore release like it was a caravan traveling through the scorched desert.
But the sun of the desert was the sun of yesterday.
Today I am looking at the European autumn, enjoying my mate tea on my terrace. Trees flutter with their colorful leaves stroked by wind and the rhythm of their whispers seems to be synchronized with a breath of my newborn son sleeping on my chest.
I look at my son and then at these trees. Then the realization comes through.
Autumn is a parabola of the passing of time. One thing in life never changes, – it goes on.
Our biographies are like the autumn trees, full of colorful leaves – all the different colors, are like frames of a movie of our life.
Some will float away carried by the wind.
I listen to Anathema now. The band’s tone is like a voice of autumn.
Weather systems. Somehow I cannot break the connection that this band has evolved with me. The brutal anger of the Dying Wish. The desolate music of Kingdom. Terrifying
dark, Alternative 4.
These were the tunes of my early twenties. When I was seeking my spiritual path. And I was roaming through some dark woods. This was not surprisingly a time when I wrote some of my best-received horror stories. But at what cost?
Grim music of early Anathema albums was my soundtrack. I managed to scratch the surface of the abyss back then. And these dark melodies were the beacon…
Yet I managed to find my way back into the light.
And so it seems with Anathema.
If you pick their latest albums, you realize that how much they changed. There is hope now in their music. There is a reflection upon life and its purpose.
There is peace in words of such ballads as “Lightning song”.
“I found my place
In time and space
In hope and faith”
Quite a leap from the depressing lyrics of Alternative 4… ”Come and hide me from this terrible reality”. Don’t you think?
And guess what is the title of their latest album – The Optimist.
It is a hopeful feeling to see that one of your favorite bands seems to be evolving in synchronization with the development of your life.
Maybe you have to go through the darkness to find the light?
Here comes the calming voice off Lee Douglas from Anathema.
“Your world is everything you ever dreamed of
If only you can open up your mind and see
The beauty that is here”
I look at the face of my sleeping son.
So true.
—Post from “Sword in the woods” archive—
5 Must Have Artifacts of a Weekend Warrior
Rosary – powerful tool of spiritual combat.
Kettlebell – there is a reason, why Roman gladiators used kettlebells as a base of their training.
Yerba Mate – every man needs his drug
E-Book Reader – because as Mark Twain said “A person that does not read has no advantage of that who does not know how to read”.
Notebook – writing crystalizes the ever-flowing life into something more tangible.
Warrior’s Religion
People in every religion are the same, but not every religion is the same
Religion is a filter through which people perceive the Truth, or as one might call it the Ultimate Reality. The filter comes from the boundaries of our human mind, the Truth comes from the Divine.
Warriors life is ought to be based on Truth. Because the Truth shapes our Codex, the principles we follow and the masters that we serve.
And don’t be fooled, by thinking you can serve no one. You are just human, you will always have master. Even it will be just the needs of your own body.
Choice of religion in warriors life is paramount. One might say – I don’t need religion, I just need spirituality. You will be a fooled again.
Spirituality is a vague term for transcendent experience, and that is anchored in the Ultimate Reality. If you will try to embrace it, your mind will make an attempt to grasp the meaning of it. Hence it will apply the filter of your own convictions and your own limitations. You will follow religion. Even if that will be just the one of your own.
So I chose to follow the footsteps of people greater than me.
To benefit from their learnings, to avoid their mistakes, to take their advice and to consciously apply on how will I perceive That what is Transcendent.
I choose my religion conciously.
I embrace it, with all the faults and corruption of the organization that stands behind it. I decide to apply the filter, the belief structure developed through centuries by an imperfect organisation, because I know for a fact that even a poor author can create a masterpiece in a moments of great inspiration.
I chose to be Roman Catholic. Against the world, against the enemies internal and external and sometimes even against myself.
I chose this, because I attempt to see beyond the people that represent the organization, and see what it meant to represent. I chose to see the whole battlefield not just the corruption and disruption in the ranks of my own army.
And that choice, step by step leads me closer to the Ultimate Reality, and reveals the the universe for what it truly is. It reveals the true scale of the celestial war we are part of.
It shows me the true, malignant face of my Enemy.
But it also shows me that I we have Powerful Allies next to me. And a sword and a shield in my hands. We are the Ecclesia militans.
But that is another story.
One time in Dubai a taxi driver tried to convert me to Islam…
“Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.”
The Epic Quest called Life
So here we are.
Guys, Boyfriends, Husbands, Fathers, Weekend Warriors.
Probably a very last generation of those who used to run in childhood with sticks fighting trolls in a courtyard, who organised water balloon battles against those stinkers from the neighbouring block , who wrestled in sand, got their knees bruised while climbing trees.
We were the last ones to avoid, the omnipresent stigma of virtual reality. And our heads were filled with dreams.
Big, epic dreams.
You can become anyone you want to, we were told. Rock star, general, football player. Fucking astronaut.
Just go ahead and believe that. Its is in our guys, warriors DNA, after all. To reach for the heights, to climb the highest peak (and then drop your pants down and pee from the top).
When I was a kid I wanted to be a pirate. Or world famous writer.
I have always pictured myself rolling through life accompanied by an elevating soundtrack like in oscar winning movie, carrying a bloodstained armor, waving to crowds of fans with my left hand and giving autographs with the other, flying into space, preventing alien invasion, shitting with epicness.
And here I am, staring eleven hours per day at the numbers on the screen, rolled into the wheels of humongous corporate machine, changing diapers by night, dreading the invasion of bills by the end of the month.
I am Husband, Father, Breadwinner. Manager. Weekend Warrior.
And sometimes I find it hard to distinguish myself from a zombie. Does it have to be, that dream of greatness come back now only while playing another Witcher game on my PC?
Fuck that.
It is time to realise, that we are not ever to drop our childhood dreams, but transcend with them. That we shouldn’t treat life as the ultimate excuse for not living up to our greatest ambitions. A key to success is to pursue passions in spare time, while cherishing every moment of our daily struggles.
And remember you Fathers – having a family to care for is not only source of strength to face life adventures, but it’s an adventure itself.
I am a father and I am a warrior.
And I am living my quest in my daily experiences.
In my journeys, adventures, battles in the arena of everyday life. In stories told through the eyes of someone who despite coming of age, still lives his childhood dreams. Dreams of fighting trolls, climbing skyscrapers, reaching the heights of heights.
If you ever felt, that life is more, than a repetitive cycle of daily responsibilities, I am sure you will find yourself in some of my stories, if not all of them.
So, hey!… Join me on the epic quest called life.
/Post from my archived blog “Sword in the woods”/
Alone?
There will be a time when you will be alone. You will not avoid it.
There will be time when you will be abandoned, forgotten, left astray…
Maybe there are people around you that love you, but there will be time when they will be gone. Maybe you will have to take that challenge, change your job, you town, your country, your life. Maybe you will dip into failure, and the ones who had your back will turn it on you. Maybe you will achieve success and the ones whom you cherished will not recognize you anymore.
You will be left alone. No matter how hard you will try, you will have to face it eventually.
Maybe you will get sick. Maybe you will get misunderstood. Maybe you will have an accident. Maybe you will get old and everyone who ever mattered will just fade away.
No matter what happens, this time will come some day. You will be alone.
And then you will have to do it.
Play with open cards. Take the veil off and look into your own heart. It is then, when the answer to this one question will define on how this loneliness will treat you:
Did I live my life true to myself or was my life just a mere reflection in the eyes of the others?
Radek from the Blue Moon
Shaman and the Lonely Traveler (Tale 4)
Shaman and the Lonely Traveler
It was serene, chilly night, when Shaman would hear someone knocking to the door of his shack.
Although half asleep, Shaman would scramble out of his bed and welcomed the visitor.
– Greetings – he said as soon as he opened the door. The man on the threshold was tucked in a long, rusty coat, and was shivering from the cold, evening breeze.
– Greeting, Wise Man. – muttered stranger – Will you invite a Lonely Traveler for a drink?
– Come in, please. My shack is not a palace, but there is always place for wearied journeyman. – said Shaman and invited Lonely Traveler to take a sit.
– Would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee or mate?
– Coffe please. – said Lonely Travaler eagerly. He was traveling so long that a taste of fine, black coffee seem to him all but forgotten.
– Ehm… There is no coffee – Shaman noticed after a while.
– Oh… will have tea than.
– Sure – said Shaman and poured two cups of mate. – Long journey you’ve been through?
– Oh, yes. I have just crossed the Desert of Thousand Tears.
-The one that is said to turn into a Thriving jungle when a thousand of human tears are going to be shed on it’s sand?
– … which is never going to happen as all water evaporates before touching the ground… – chuckled Lonely Traveler – Yes, the same one.
Than they would both sip in silence their mate.
Eventually Shaman acknowledged Lonely Traveler’s patience and asked.
– What brings you to my shack? – He perfectly knew the answer, however. After all everybody was coming here for the same reason.
– I have came here for answers. – said Lonely Traveler, not surprisingly.
– There we go… – mumbled Shaman and assembled his old wise man pose – Tell me than.
Lonely Traveler would clear his throat and started his story.
– I am a Traveler and I walk alone.
– I have climbed ,mountains so high that their peeks would melt so close to the starts they were. I have sailed through waters so immense that they would close the horizon in their embrace. I have seen wonders and horrors, tasted delights and suffered tortures.
Among all I have met people from many cultures and nations. And despite their origins they would all be amused on why I would keep walking.
You see Shaman. I wander because I seek.
Because I chase my Dream. I am searching for Love, I am searching for Happines , I am searching for Purpose.
I have been offered shelter many times and far more than that. I have been asked to stay, to settle down, I have been asked to give up my Quest. To stop searching for what is never going to be found.
I was offered comfort, I was offered relief. All I had to do, was to quit trying reaching for impossible. And than a Wise Man in other village, a Witch Doctor similar to you Shaman would say something I would never forget.
He would say: Life is about seeking compromise between your dreams and the reality.
But that’s what he said. And that is not what I believe in.
So I thanked him for his words, and still kept going. But the doubt has been sown in my heart.
Now I have cometh to you Shaman.
I have cometh to ask you for an advice. Should I try to find the Dream although it means risk of having nothing in the end. Or should I try to find compromise?
Shaman would stare at the distant for a long while, sipping his mate and enjoying the view of the stars.
Than he would speak.
– The choice you make has to be determined on if you are ready to face the greatest challenge of your life.
Lonely Traveler would just smile.
– I am prepared for that Shaman. And I have been asked countless times for it. Am I really ready to face the disappointment? Am I ready to stand up to the the moment in which I realize that what all I was chasing was just a mere illusion? I am ready for that moment, because at least I will be able to say: I did everything I could.
Travelers face was expressing determination and it was Shaman who was smiling now.
– That is good, Traveler. But that is not the challenge I was talking about. – he would say.
– What is it than? – pressed Lonely Traveler – What could be bigger challenge for a man than a moment in which his dreams are broken?
Shaman would just sigh.
– A moment in which your Dream will be realized.
Nothing challenges man more than his dream becoming true. So before heading out, ask yourself Traveler:
Are you truly ready to face the Dream you have been trying to reach that hard?
Lonely Traveler would frown puzzled by those words. He would say nothing more.
He would bow, finish his mate and than he would leave the shack.
And he would keep walking until he disappeared in the darkness.
The End
Log 3
Log 3 Blue Moon Station – Berlin
Soundtrack – by Mike Oldfield – Click me!
To truly be alive means to be awakened.
We are all asleep.
Trapped in a moment, in a glimpse between „now” and infinity. Lost in a labyrinth of our relations, in a sophisticated web of giving and receiving, a chain of transactions which never seems fair nor justified.
We are consumed by our fears and our desires, we are overrun by our ambitions and pleasures, we are victims to small and big compromises which corrode our hearts and our beliefs.
We are discouraged by a never ending mantra of our complaints, doubts, curses and excuses.
That’s how we slowly fall asleep. And that’s how we forget.
We forget that everything that surrounds us, everything is just a mere reflection of the a true and only Reality.
That we are in the middle of the night, and the pale, shining moon above our heads is not the light that we are waiting for.
That a darkness will be gone, and that a new dawn will come.
And although we are not ready yet, although our eyes hurt – it is our destiny to finally step out of the night.
To leave the dream and to wake up.
And once awakened, we wil see that all our fears, doubts, all our suffering even the most profound, all will be gone, in a same way, in which bad dream vanishes when conquered by the rays of the rising sun.
End of Log 3
Log 1
Log 1. Blue Moon Station – Stockholm
Always trust Him.
Always.
You take a walk on an unkown route. Every step takes you closer to what appears to be dead end.
But you know it’s your path. You have been asking for an answer, praying for it, shouting to high heavens, to retrieve it as a mellow fruit.
And you got it.
Keep walking He said. I will show you the way, and all you have to do is to keep walking. And don’t stop.
Now the thing is, we never trust Him fully. At least not at the beginning. We take our our chances, pick up our own ways of life. Sooner or later we discover, that in the best scenario we were just walking in a circle. In the worst, we find ourselves at the edge of the abyss.
Now, if you want your life to get on a higher level, you need to find a purpose. You need to find your destiny. And there is only One who can reveal it to you.
But He won’t do it immediately. Firstly, you will need to trust Him. And travel long and a difficult road. There might be darkness on this road, sometimes it might seem there is a dead end just in front of you. But that’s just the problem of your perspective, you simply cannot see the whole path. Maybe there is a darkness at this point, but you do not know what awaits you at the next corridor – and you will never know unless you take your next step.
Once you will get to the end, you will discover, that those small steps, altogether have taken you far beyond your imagination.
My steps have taken me to the moon.
So welcome!
Welcome Friends to the Blue Moon Station.
You will hear from me again soon.
End of Log 1